So...you'd like me to sew something for you??

Just because you have a sewing machine (or four) some people think it's okay to ask you to sew something for them. Some actually think they are doing you a favor by asking, like you get up every morning without anything else to do and just wait for ways to spend some time sitting down in front of your machine. 

Now I'm not suggesting you say no, at least not to every request. Only you can decide if you want to invest your time and energy on someone else's project that saves them time and energy....and money. But if you are like me, and occasionally find yourself hiding from people that have asked in the past, catching you off guard and said yes, and now you see them coming straight at you with a Joann's or Hobby Lobby bag, then you better get ready with strategic replies.

As you contemplate your answers, you'll need to quickly assess the importance of your relationship with this person. If you'd like to keep then in your life, cautiously consider your answer.  If not, speed forward with reckless abandon. So how do I know this?  

As a very young person I asked a friend to make my wedding dress. She had seriously mad sewing skills, and I knew she'd do a fabulous job.  And I couldn't afford a store bought dress. It was perfect match.....I thought.  Fast forward four decades later and I'm one VERY lucky person because I dodged a big bullet on this one....she said yes, I am still married to the same hubs, still have the dress, and most seriously grateful, have the same dear friend. But my request could have gone bad anytime. I'd rather have her friendship than the dress any day.  So consider all these responses VERY carefully:

1 - No....you know yourself better than the requester. If you aren’t inspired and can't get behind the project than say so now.  Hold firm, stay strong, make eye contact. Make your no be no.  But do it kindly, respectfully, and not rudely. Assume there may be some additional prodding from the other person, but stand firm. Better to let them down nicely now than waffle latter. 

2 - Yes.....if no doesn't seem to come out of your mouth, make sure your yes is really yes. Don't back pedal an hour, or a day later. Make the commitment and keep it.  If you begin to have regrets go home immediately and get it done before your dog chews it up, or you lose it, or some other fabricated story you make up to avoid doing the project.  NOTE - A special yes/no option about this version, if you are the passive aggressive type, you may say yes to avoid a conflict then immediately feel victimized and want to find ways to weasel out. If this is you, immediately go up back up to number one, and carefully reconsider this option. 

3 - I think there are some custom sewers nearby, lets see what we can Google......this is a soft no. But you are helping them by referring them. No drop no foul.

4 - I really value our relationship and don't want anything to come between us.  Boy, the friend that made my wedding dress sure could have said this. But, our friendship was very young and maybe she was very willing to risk it back then. Hmmmm....I've got to think about that a while. 

5 - You're kidding, right? This is followed up with tear-producing laughter. Plan on this option ending your friendship.

6 - Sure, but you can probably buy one ready-made faster and cheaper than it will cost you to have me make it....this is probably the most honest of all options. And depending on how you deliver it, the kindest. Be ready to give them an outrageous lead-time and labor estimate.

7 - You can't afford me, a tailor will do it cheaper......quickly Google a nearby tailor and suggest calling for a quote. If nothing more, it will tell the person how much your time is really worth, a lot! The risk? They may still want you to do it even knowing your cost, but at least you won't feel taken advantage of.

8 - I only sew as a hobby.....this one is dicey. Don't turn around and agree to do sewing for someone else that may know this person.  Otherwise, your friendship will be over.

9 - Great idea, let's barter! I'll sew your __________if you do ____________ for me. Be prepared, this is a risk as they may actually say yes. You only want to use this if they really can do something you need in return.

10 - How about coming over and you can use my machine yourself?  Maybe you'd enjoy learning?......the old give them a fish or teach them how to fish trick.  Again I suggest caution.....they may take you up on it, and teaching them may be more arduous and take longer than doing it yourself. That said, they probably won't ask you again so it may be a win win either way. 

So as you can see, the simple question doesn't come with a simple answer.  Play the jeopardy song in your head while you contemplate your risk, devise your plan and then proceed. And in the future, be on the lookout for those Joann's or Hobby Lobby bags.